The Genesis and Commandments of Baseball

Baseball-Genesis; Chapter 1:

In the beginning when God created sports and leisure, sports was a formless wasteland, and darkness covered the abyss, while a mighty boredom swept over the land.

Then God said, “Let there be the greatest of sports,” and there was baseball. God saw how good the sport was. God then separated baseball from the rest of sports. Thus, baseball became America&srquo;s national pastime. Evening came, baseball stopped — the first day.

Then God said, “Let there be stadiums in the middle of the lands, to separate one team from another.” And so it happened: God made the stadiums and they separated the teams from the land of three rivers to the land of the giant apple. And God saw how good it was. Evening came, baseball stopped –the second day.

Then God said, “Let this sport reach across the lands beyond the mighty river and through the great woods. Deliver the sport onto the far reaches of a great nation to the land of the left coast.” And so the sport reached to the windy land and under the great silver arch and into the land of the great bridge and into the land of His angels. And God saw how good it was. Evening came, baseball stopped — the third day.

Then God said, “Let there be lights in the bounds of the great stadiums, the temples of the faith.” And so there was light in all the temples of His sport called baseball. And men played into the night. They built great domed structures to play at all stages of the moon. God saw how good it was. Evening came and baseball was played -the fourth day.

Then God said, “Let the stadiums teem with an abundance of living creatures, and let goofy men dress up in silly costumes to cheer on the masses of the temples.” And so it was, as the stadium gates were overwhelmed with men and women and children of all races, colors and creeds. And goofy men did dress up in silly costumes in the lands, such as that of brotherly love. God blessed these fans, saying, “Be fruitful and multiply. Pass the great stories off to your sons and daughters and let them make of this sport a great following which will connect the generations.” Evening came, baseball was played — the fifth day.

Then God said, “Let the sport reach out beyond the limits of the great domed and undomed temples. Let the children of your nation play the sport with their fathers. Let the sport know no boundaries of color, race, or nations. Let it reach beyond the borders of the Land of the Free. Let the diamond become the place of hopes and dreams. Let the sport unite great cities as well as father and son. Let it become the sport of sports, and let the love of the game grow throughout the world.” And so it happened as baseball was played in lands across the sea, such as that of the rising sun. It was played under the flag of the red maple leaf. Father and son played the game together and together they would root for the team of their fathers. Great cities would rally together to root for their teams playing in foreign lands. And God saw the sport was very good. Evening came and baseball was played — the sixth day.

Since on the seventh day God was finished with the work he had been doing, he kicked back, grabbed an ice cold Pepsi, a hot dog, some Crackerjacks, and sat in his frontrow skybox seat and watched this game he had created in all it&srquo;s majesty.

Such is the story of the game of baseball and its creation.
The Ten Commandments of Baseball:

1. I, Baseball, am the sport of your father and your father&srquo;s father. I have brought you from the land of boredom and restlessness. Thou shalt have no sport before me. You shalt not create false balls of pigskin and plastic and place them ahead of me. Thou shalt watch other sports, but thou shalt not place them ahead of me. For I am a great and mighty sport. For I am a sport of great finese and skill.

2. Thou shalt not say, “It is just a game.” For I, Baseball, am not just a game. I am an art, and thou shalt not call me otherwise.

3. Honor thy baseball greats with love and admiration, that they may be remembered for their feats and accomplishments.

4.You shall not bet upon my greatness unless the odds are really good.

5.You shall not root for another team when your team cannot win.

6.You shall steal, for many a games shall be won this way.

7.You shall not bear false witness against your team.

8.You shall not covet your neighbor&srquo;s stadium, for yours may be torn down and replaced by another.

9.You shall not covet your neighbor&srquo;s players for they may be paid great money to fail in the colors of your team.

10. You shall not covet your neighbor&srquo;s bats and gloves and uniforms and helmets nor anything that belongs to them, because that just is not a very nice thing to do.

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